Hooo… weeeee…. look at that bunch in the photo. You might think they was
out for a stroll on New Years day. They ain’t though. They was out running around in
downtown Huntsville way back in September of 1999. Can you remember back that far?
That wasn’t just last year, not just the last century either, nope, that was in the
last millennium!
They are the Rocket City haber dashers, er I mean beer drinkers, er well they got some
such name as that, I don’t rightly remember. They’re a club, though, and they got a system
about beer drinking that I thought was kinda interesting. You see, in order to justify
their right to pop a brewsky, they got to find it first. Before they can go lookin’
for the beer, they got to dress up in them frilly red dresses they got on, or the club
Marshall won’t let ’em play in the game with the rest of the group. So, they dress up and
then they get to have clues for the whereabouts of their next cold one. Well, then,
they follow the clues, and finally when they reach the end of the course, they git to drink
the suds.
So what’s that got to do with Einstein? Well, you probably already know that Time
magazine
has declared ole’ Alfred to be the biggest kahoona of the last century. He’s the man, so to
speak. You know, he was in charge of the theories of relativity and physics and the laws of
the Universe. Now, that don’t mean he planned the family re-union, had much
to do with sports, or even spent much time at the University. It’s been said he wasn’t even
book smart, didn’t spend much time in school, or even finish college.
It all seemed a little suspect to me. So I decided to test some of his high faluting
ideas for myself. That’s where the beer comes in. I thought to myself, if he’s right,
beer in the last millennium ought to be about the same as beer in this millennium. Well,
I decided to cypher up my own test. I figured that when the big time roll over came
at midnight on January 31, 1999, that all the beer might undergo some sort of chemical
changes because of the big warp in space. That would mean ole’ Alfred was just taking
a shot in the dark.
So, I got myself some beer on News Years Eve, and commenced to do the preliminary
testing.
I have even recorded some of the test results for you to consider for yourself. Here is an
audio recording of the first test:
Don’t seem to be much question about that. It opened just like beer always did. So, then I
went ahead on with the testing:
No problem there either. I had got some good beer, it sounded right, it tasted right, and
overall
it drank real good. I did some more testing to be sure that I had a good understanding of
beer in the 20th century.
So, then, the day went on, evening came, then night, and finally midnight rolled around
with the arrival of the 21st century on schedule and without any of the big “Y2K”
problems
being of much consequence. After a few more hours, the first light of
the new day, the new year, the new century, and the new millennium, began to show
above
the horizon. And, it was, New Years day. It was time to continue on with my testing.
Using beer from the same stock as I had before, I did the same testing. Here are the
first results:
Nope. There just didn’t seem to be any difference there. So I continued:
Again, just right. And again, I did additional testing to be sure. There can be no doubt
about it. Beer underwent no
significant changes due to the new millennium time warp. Beer was, beer is, and beer
will always be, the same.
That, of course, means that Mr. Einstein’s place in history is firmly secure. His theories
hold water, er, I mean beer, and beer drinking will remain essentially the same in future
generations as it has been in times past. All mankind is safe. Oh, the humanity.
Oh, yea, the haber dashers. It looks like they all pretty much are having a big time.
And I guess that’s all right, but as for me, I think I’ll just stick to more traditional
and time honored beer acquisition techniques.
Final test results:
