Apocalypse | World Ending December 21 | Repent You Heathens!

For those who are just now finding out, or maybe you just realized as the reality is finally sinking in – the world comes to an end in just a few short weeks on December 21, 2012.

I thought it would be a good idea to consider some advance preparation, except this is the first apocalypse I’ve ever experienced, and there seems to be some differing opinions in regard to exactly how this event will unfold.

Even still, I’ve come up with some ideas and suggestions that I think will be relevant and helpful no matter what happens.

  1. Be sure to have plastic tarps, duct tape, & cardboard boxes.
  2. Gas up the motorcycle.
  3. Dress rugged – not like Madonna.
  4. If you dare to sleep, keep your shoes on, or place them neatly under the end of the bunk.
  5. Back-up computer files on a one terabyte portable hard drive.
  6. Pick up some extra miniatures & a case of beer.
  7. Practice singing “rah who door may?” in case someone, or something, knocks.
  8. Bring your May West in from the garage.
  9. Have plenty of generator fuel, solar panels, and propane.
  10. Patch the inflatable life raft if needed.
  11. Pay your Sirius subscription several months ahead.
  12. To hell with the miniatures, get a half gallon of Chevas.
  13. Be sure your cell phone is fully charged.
  14. Feed the dog and kiss your cat goodbye.
  15. Prepare to leave a freshly cooked party pizza behind for Mr. Jingles, and the cat.
  16. In case of a blinding flash of light, have sun glasses ready, or a welders helmet is better.
  17. Calculate all you money. Leave 25% in the bank, put 25% in large bills in your pocket, use 25% to buy gold to bury in the yard, and send 25% to me for a post-event relief fund.

Post Event Relief Fund

Of course, this list would seem to be for the heathens since the redeemed should have their prayers answered and be taken up to walk on the streets of gold. Just to be sure, say more prayers, and follow the list to buy more time for repentance.

Well. I appreciate your attention in this matter. If you have additional ideas on how to cope with the impending doom, please post your comments quickly and concisely while there is still time. Good luck.

– The Rev. Jim Casey

© 2012 – Jim Casey
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