ROAR! BAYBEE MALALA! ROAR!

The Lioness proclaimed: “Even in America people are waiting for a woman president.” The remarks, made by 16 year old Malala Yousafzai, were made at the Clinton Global Initiative awards upon her receipt of the Global Citizen Award. Hillary Clinton, of course, was in the audience with cameras immediately zooming in on her as she continued her sly demeanor in consideration of her potential run for president in 2016.

The point is debatable. I don’t mean whether America is waiting for Hillary, but whether Hillary is a woman. I’ve come to believe Hillary is a man in a lesbian’s body. No wonder Bill Clinton thinks he’s the King of Frog Mountain. Well, that is until Al Gore showed up. His people have declared we only have 1.75 billion years until solar warming will make the earth uninhabitable. At that point, I suppose, we will all have to live underground like moles. Maybe then Hillary would make a good president.

Make no mistake. I love women, and I want them all to be happy, healthy, and complete in all their endeavors. However, I have already proffered my opinion on why a woman president isn’t really such a good idea – and not a good idea for women. That, as though the democrats necessarily have a good chance of winning in 2016. I don’t think they do. Then again, if anyone could possibly blow the Republican bid for the next presidential election – leave it to the TEA Party Zealots who are now attempting to derail the entire federal government over Obamacare.

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Not The Time For President Hillary

“Born free to be free and free to be me.” So the mantra goes. Somebody’s mantra. Sounds good. But, then came the headline in USA Today that said it this way: “When female students excel, relationships can fizzle.” According to the article, women earn 60% of bachelors degrees. That didn’t used to be true. Then again, the US education system used to be ranked as the best in the world. Nowadays, the US consistently ranks right in there with the other third world countries. Women have advanced, but has it really been good for women overall? Are the broken relationships, divorces, single mom’s, and neglected and failing kids on Ritalin – really in the best interest of women and their families – or their ambition lethargic boyfriends and husbands?

Several feminists recently made an appearance on the CBS Morning Show. One old broad was selling a book. Can’t remember here name – I was too lazy to write it down I guess. Anyway, she says it’s normal and ok for postmenopausal women to experience some loss in sex drive. Yee Haaaaw! Damn. It’s good when they explain stuff like that cause it could make the old guys wonder if it’s their fault. (Incidentally, I still ain’t using the politically correct “him or her” because I think it sexistly begs the gender question rather than just getting on with the conversation – not to mention it’s grammatically abysmal.) Even still, she showed some consideration for her partner saying she can still fake it if she wants to get her man to do some chores around the house. Nothing like the grandiose confidence that comes with operant conditioning and a nice chocolate drop.

That wasn’t the most remarkable statement made by the group that included Gloria Steinem and Jane Fonda. Incidentally, I’m not sure if Fonda has had one too many facelifts, or one too many gummy bears, but I don’t really think she’s found the peace for her inner child that she’s been looking for all these years. “Just be yourself,” doesn’t seem to be in her mantra. She sure ain’t Barbarella no more. Anyway, one of the girls actually said that expecting men to be dominant is inhumane and uncivilized. Whut?

Ok, let’s review the progression just a bit: “Gotta find a woman! Gotta find a woman! Gotta find a woman!” The caveman chants just before he whacks some bitch upside the head with a club, grabs her by the hair, and drags her off to his cave where he ties her down until he returns with a wild pig. Her duties include, womanly things, cooking and serving the pig, and sweeping out the cave. Now. At this point, she realizes how good it is to have food in her belly, firewood and a man to keep her warm, and realizes it’s in her best interest to stay around to see what he brings home next. Thus, she is untied and allowed to move freely about the cave. She is domesticated.

The point is, men are instinctively dominant. It is inhumane and uncivilized to force a man to act out based on his unresolved instincts. Therefore, a number of years ago, civilization came up with a compromise – what we call marriage and traditional roles today. Nowadays, you don’t supposed to have to whoop-up on a woman for her to accept man as dominant. In return, women don’t have to accept being tied up or chained down in order to be domesticated. As long as women are reasonably domesticated, men have no reason to struggle with that inner caveman until he looses control and behaves inappropriately.

Today’s feminist mantra is uncivilized and inhumane to men. Worse yet, the undomesticated females cause many of the men to begin jousting with one another. And then when the alpha males start testing each other to decide who the King of Frog Mountain really is, there is only one frog left at the top. In this media-centric scenario, we’ll say that’s Les Moonves. He is essentially what we will call an “industrial boss.” The industrial bosses love this whole shebang because once they reach the top, they keep everyone else busy fighting each other, thereby creating a lot of single and divorced people who all need an individual income. More labor in the pool, more competition for jobs, less money and less advancement overall. The point is, as long as everyman is the Frog King of his own mountain, there’s a whole lot less whoopin-up going on. Or, otherwise interpreted – incarceration rates go down.

So, my sweet little Lion Queen, Malala, please try to understand. The cultures you are most familiar with and most concerned about, are very different than the USA is today. I don’t care how much smoke Hillary, Gloria and Jane try to blow up your kabooty. (Incidentally, it’s interesting to note that my Internet periodical, TOCC.tv, will be sixteen years old this October – Malala is only three months older.) However, I wish you the best of luck in improving the intelligence and education of the Islamic community, and Pakistan.

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Personally, I think all women should get at least a sixth grade education, and heck, most probably ought to hang in there until the tenth grade. After that, though, they ought to be thinking about their “MRS” degree. Or, they might have to face up to the consequences of being free – to be just another lug in the machine – maybe long after they obtain their bachelorette degree.

So, sorry Malala. But right now my instincts are calling for Pint Lala! otherwise known as BEER! Maybe you can join me there some day, but only for the BBQ Pork, you’re not old enough to drink beer yet… sweet sixteen.


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© 2013 – Jim Casey
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