Apocalypse | World Ending December 21 | Repent You Heathens!

For those who are just now finding out, or maybe you just realized as the reality is finally sinking in – the world comes to an end in just a few short weeks on December 21, 2012.

I thought it would be a good idea to consider some advance preparation, except this is the first apocalypse I’ve ever experienced, and there seems to be some differing opinions in regard to exactly how this event will unfold.

Even still, I’ve come up with some ideas and suggestions that I think will be relevant and helpful no matter what happens.

  1. Be sure to have plastic tarps, duct tape, & cardboard boxes.
  2. Gas up the motorcycle.
  3. Dress rugged – not like Madonna.
  4. If you dare to sleep, keep your shoes on, or place them neatly under the end of the bunk.
  5. Back-up computer files on a one terabyte portable hard drive.
  6. Pick up some extra miniatures & a case of beer.
  7. Practice singing “rah who door may?” in case someone, or something, knocks.
  8. Bring your May West in from the garage.
  9. Have plenty of generator fuel, solar panels, and propane.
  10. Patch the inflatable life raft if needed.
  11. Pay your Sirius subscription several months ahead.
  12. To hell with the miniatures, get a half gallon of Chevas.
  13. Be sure your cell phone is fully charged.
  14. Feed the dog and kiss your cat goodbye.
  15. Prepare to leave a freshly cooked party pizza behind for Mr. Jingles, and the cat.
  16. In case of a blinding flash of light, have sun glasses ready, or a welders helmet is better.
  17. Calculate all you money. Leave 25% in the bank, put 25% in large bills in your pocket, use 25% to buy gold to bury in the yard, and send 25% to me for a post-event relief fund.

Post Event Relief Fund

Of course, this list would seem to be for the heathens since the redeemed should have their prayers answered and be taken up to walk on the streets of gold. Just to be sure, say more prayers, and follow the list to buy more time for repentance.

Well. I appreciate your attention in this matter. If you have additional ideas on how to cope with the impending doom, please post your comments quickly and concisely while there is still time. Good luck.

– The Rev. Jim Casey

© 2012 – Jim Casey
www.tocc.tv Red HOT Uploads

Nearby Links
  • Featured

  • Vintage Editorials

    Alabama Confederate Monuments Are Racism Pure And Simple

    As a native Alabamian, I am sick and tired of the perpetuation of stupidity that the damn monument represents. If you wish to honor your relative dead for more than 150 years, let it be done in Maple Hill cemetery, where this particular monument belongs.

    Observing Veteran’s Day

    But of course, there are so many who didn’t come home, and so many who come home with enduring injuries, and so the sadness of war remains – victory or not.

    Thirty Pesos For Grinch

    I have to admit I was a little surprised this week when Alabama voted for Rick Santorum. It was only in the last two weeks that he showed himself to be a religious nutcase when he challenged remarks by John F. Kennedy asserting separation of church and state, and his disinclination to take orders from […]

    Huntsville Bus Station Spotlight – Ass Whoopin

    There is, however, substantial evidence that this event was deliberately orchestrated to place a spotlight on the Lee High School Bus conspiracy massacre that occurred near this location in 2006, and is part of a conspiracy inspired and orchestrated by the recently announced seditious caliphate lead by Connecticut Governor Daniel P. Malloy, and US President Barack Obama. In short, this event is a conspiracy and a premeditated act of domestic terrorism by definition.